I woke up late again. My feet were stuck in the exact same place as yesterday. No way to move, even in my sleep. I kept pondering about the feeding process. Somehow I had to get food stuffs into this body of mine, but how? The tubes were all broken, and as far as I could tell, my body had no orifice for inserting food directly. Still, the need was getting critical, so there had to be a way! I remember my dreams from the hours, or maybe even days, of sleep; I dreamt that I got away: I was sitting on the edge of the world, looking down I saw you coming. Everywhere I look it’s only you, and I thought I had gotten away. I was waiting for the end of the world, when my dreams were getting darker. I’m blaming you that I’m still here, and that the time we had is gone. I was having memories of a history that I could not have lived. The conektor and his former accomplices were lurking in the shades. I was standing tall on a mountain: You better think it over, you better think it through, you need to tell me what to do! The conektor’s only response went along the lines of: “So you wanna feel the silence? Get away from every thing? You thought you found the solution, the secret to your being?” Followed by a grim laughter. I know he is watching me, even though he is miles away from me. In my dream I was waiting for the end of time, and I kept counting my seconds. conektor! I’m on to you, and I’m blaming you that I’m still here and that the time we had is gone!
[These words are written by hand on the paper containing the former text: “Nothing is: I have heard it all before, nothing left that needs to be said. The pain we used to thrive in, scary once we’ve had too much. There’s no satisfaction left, once you loose your innocence. The darkness that surrounds you, all the time that I have lost. If it’s only in the way that I react, I could love you but I better get away. I could find a way to get, to get back home. Close my eyes and never look your way. I am moving in a void where nothing is and nothing becomes. Once you open up your eyes, it’s already too late. Is it in the way they shut you up? Or in the way that no one did? The time that you wasted, all the passion that you’ve lost?” trans.]
She needed you more than you needed her. She's reaching out to the skies, to bring you down. I'm flying high above the ground see the world below me. I'm out of reach, out of tune, in my own dimension. I ruled the world as it were within your illusion. I turn to dust, nothing left when you scratch the surface. I never thought you could, never thought you would, never thought the world would end with you. He wore a mask as disguise and for his own protection. He had a plan and a dream of a new direction. She's on the ground, under ground, beyond the reach of your love. She's on her knees, kneeling down, pulling you towards her.
You’re in a void and no one knows.
Sometimes every light has long since been gone, you don’t know what went wrong. Sometimes we, we forget what we do, sometimes they, they forget about us. So you’re in my life and you’re tearing it up, and I thought we were through.. I don’t forget you were right and I, I don’t know, I guess I was all wrong. Still I know what to do about the wrongs I have done, and yeah I know what to do about the sins I have done. From a tunnel of lights your eyes could be seen, and you know it’s all wrong. Just the touch of your skin to mine, and you know, you know where I went wrong. Sometimes what we despise is what we will have, and you know it’s all wrong. But I don’t, I don’t see what you see. No I don’t, I don’t see what you see.
I can tell you’re restless, though you hide it well. Your eyes hold sorrow; I try to keep it away. Behind your laugh, there’s a bitter smile. I can’t shake the feeling of being led astray. The party’s over. And everybody’s gone. Let’s stay here forever; we’ll soon forget where we belong. Let’s go be lonely. Let’s go away. No need to worry. Nothing left to say. You keep your silence close to your heart. Let’s stay here forever, get a brand new start.
I used to believe in the light, to show me what is real. I trusted my vision, I trusted the sun to be true. And then you came along, telling me secrets, telling me lies. And then you came along, telling me what to do. I shouldn’t have been this blind, I should have gone this far, I shouldn’t have trusted you , shouldn’t have let you in. You’ve got nothing to give at all. Everything’s gone to hell, I have nothing left to believe. I trusted my instincts I trusted my path to be true. And then she came along, telling me secrets, telling me lies. And then she came along, telling me what to do. I hide myself in the dark to keep my vision free of you. I walk through the city at night, just to keep outta your sight.
In the corner of my oil stained eye cameras, I could see the vultures gnawing away at another biomechanical carcass. Probably this specimen had been in my situation only a few days before I got stuck here. As for me, I only have hours left before fatigue and rust will prevent me from fending them off. Why was I even here in the first place? We had been out on a mission, that much was certain. The rest of the group, conektor, _andreas and &%/%( had decided that they would go back to the depot to fill up on oil and foodstuff. conektor, the huge metallic machine, had been talking gibberish for days and needed maintenance. &%/%( always spoke nonsense, and it was almost impossible to figure out what it wanted, but lately it had seemed to want something, badly. _andreas, being a biomechanical machine like myself, was highly aware that these fragile bodies need both nutrition and maintenance from time to time, and he claimed that he could actually "feel" the body wearing out. Here’s what I remember from his parting speech: “If I told you every thing will be ok? If I told you everything will be all right? If I told you everything is gonna change would you come back to me? I just don’t wanna believe it, I just don’t wanna see it”. He then started chanting: “Everything is gonna change, everything is gonna be fine, everything will be all right, but I just don’t see you try”. It was quite a spectacle. Right before he left, he gave me a note containing these words: “If I told you everything is going away, if I told you everything is standing still, if I told you nothing’s ever gonna change, would you believe in me? I just don’t think you wanna, I just don’t think you’re gonna. Nothing’s ever gonna change”. Anyway, they left, and they took all the tools and the spare parts with them, leaving me behind with no extra tubes, no oil, no nothing. I was stuck in a very delicate situation, for which I had only myself to blame.
[There are some words here, in a language I cannot understand. The only word I can decipher is “heart”. Over, and over again, this one word, “Heart”.]
There’s a light above you, like a halo. There’s a light in your eyes, like a star. There’s a light within you, there’s a fluorescent beat of your heart. There’s a light within you. There’s a lie. You’re an angel. There’s a light around you, like a fire. There’s a light in your hands, like the sun. There’s a light in your voice like the fluorescent sound of your soul.
Of course, this was not the first time something like this had happened. Our little group of inventors and free thinkers often got stuck in the uninhabited regions of this or that universe, but up until now, we had always been together. For the first time I found myself alone, rusted stuck to the ground, with no tubes (or foodstuff to insert in to them, for that matter). I would have yelled, if I had something to say, and if the pirates and scavengers had not been heavily armed and nearby. We were working on some kind of time machine. Or at least that was the general conception. &%/%( as usual had all the plans, and since none of the members of the group could understand anything that he said, it was almost impossible to know what we were actually creating. No matter what it was, this place was perfect for collecting parts, an old graveyard for ships and space stations and whatever anyone needed to get rid of. Around here you could find anything, be it energy sources, scrap metal, biomechanical corpses, anything that you could possibly need for whatever you intended to build. But it was also heavily guarded by thugs and electronic lowlifes. They could stay here for entire lives just living of what others threw away. And if you came to throw something they would mostly leave you alone, if you, on the other hand, came to pick something up, they would most likely attack you and disconekt your life source. Not that it would matter that much anyway, at this point I was barely alive, and my sense chips had shut down days ago to save energy for the more vital life preserving mechanisms. No fear could possibly be detected by the inhabitants of this god forsaken [Translator’s note: Several pages seem to be missing here. I would imagine that the story being told on these pages involve one giant worm, maybe a dwarf or two, a fight where it’s a question of life and death, and probably a festive dinner where the heroes celebrate their glorious victory. Anyways, when we return, the “I” from the previous pages has either disappeared (as in died) or been rescued. So, the reader must decide. I will not involve myself in this text.]
I never told you I never wanted you. I never told you I never loved you. I found you waiting. I saw your bloodshot eyes. I kept my silence. I wandered into the night. Something in the way that you behave. Something in the way that you react. Something in the promises you made, that made me wanna walk all over you. I never listened. I never came to you. I never loved you. I always played you. I heard it from a friend that you were on my trail. I kept my silence, and wandered into the night.
It's not that it's too late. We'll always have the chance. If this is what you want, then I will follow. I’ve been living without love. Tomorrow's always here. If this is what you want, then I will follow. Cause I have felt your water. I have seen your sky. And I have walked this ground so long, now I'm tired. You're tired and confused, and everything is gone. If this is what you want, then I will follow. Cause I have felt your fire, I have seen your world. I have swum your oceans, and I have felt your pain.
You felt so fine it made her cry. Your soul was one, you’re all alone. If this is real then I can’t see what we have done for this to go on. You felt so fine, you made her cry. Your soul was one, you’re all alone. You make me smile, you turn me on, but all too late for me to go on. My mind is torn, there’s no control. You take what’s real and hide from me. You’re in control, now what else is new. To fix me up, would take too long. To make it up would make you too strong. I feel so fine, I need to cry.
Always the same dinner! Oil and fiber, oil and fiber. I was getting so sick of drinking oil and eating fiber, that I wished they’d remove my digestion and let me live on batteries and other sources of electricity alone. Like the rest of this planet! Why did they make us so different, when we still couldn’t get to the planet where we would be treated like normal beings? _andreas always seemed happy with the choice in food and [Translator’s note: I imagined being stuck in a logical flaw. As usual, in stories like this, you will be expected to follow logic that is dubious at best, and faulty most of the time. The problem right now was how to make room for the time machine while maintaining the current chronology, a difficult task indeed. But, perhaps even worrying about this was taking it too seriously? Would this text ever be read with the attention needed to even notice the flaws? Nah, I hardly think so. >From here on a large segment of the found manuscript is shaped as a diary. I will do my best to maintain the personal tone of the original text.]
[Translators note: I have decided to include the following diary-like text here. Some problems present themselves, however. First off, it is not always clear who the “I” refers to. Sometimes it is obvious that it is either stain or _andreas, but sometimes I would suspect it to be either conektor, &%/%( or maybe even someone entirely different, someone unnamed. Because it seems clear that conektor is the origin for both _andreas and stain, and perhaps even &%/%(, I see no reason why he should not contain even more entities, perhaps waiting to be born.]
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